Last Monday, as I walked to a park on a surprisingly chilly Orlando afternoon, I came to a conclusion.
While I can’t control whether I discuss politics at work, I can limit them outside of that sphere.
Why can’t I control them at work? Well, I’m a psychologist, and it’s my job to help people regulate and manage their distress. I provide a safe container for them to vent, worry, and catastrophize, and then I help them balance, focus, and accept what they can’t control.
Note: acceptance in this case means not wasting valuable energy on something you can’t control. It’s not saying that something is okay or acceptable. It’s setting a boundary between you and the thing you’ve been unnecessarily struggling with so you can then shift your energy to doing things that can make a difference in your life and the world at large.
For those of us raised in a strict religious tradition—in my case, conservative Catholicism—this may hit as strange. Weren’t we taught not to accept the world, but to fight it on every level? To rebel against materialism and hedonism and all the other -isms that are supposedly counter to Christ’s tenets?
Meanwhile, we were also not-so-sneakily taught to put boundaries up internally between our aware selves and our intuition, those gut feelings that said, “uh, this isn’t right, or, what I really want is….” But questioning and figuring out true desire led to the possible censure of not having adequate faith, not being in alignment with “God’s plan,” not being “good enough...”
Yeah, we were taught to accept and ignore the wrong things. Materialism and hedonism can cause trouble in the extreme, but it’s okay to enjoy things and pleasure and everything else that makes being embodied more fun.
Like, why have a body if you can’t enjoy things with it?
And desires aren’t always temptation…
Oh, I’ve wandered. Pardon my ADHD. Back to the point.
How do you set a boundary between yourself and everything that’s going very wrong right now? There’s lots of talk about boundaries, but not many suggestions about what they could look like.
Well, first acknowledge that it’s hard to ignore. Just because you change perspectives, it doesn’t mean you’ve changed strategies. I’ve been working on unlearning this on my witchy path. It’s okay to not do things exactly right. And it’s definitely okay to pick your battles and decide where to devote your energy.
You don’t always have to be fighting.
Second, do what you can for yourself. For example, I’m going to set up an email filter that sends everything with the T word to the Trash because that’s where it belongs. Giving it more attention—positive or negative—only feeds the monster. I’m also going to work on curating my feeds, including here, to minimize exposure to political discourse.
Third, set a firm boundary that aligns with your values. I told my husband on that Orlando walk that unless it’s something that directly affects me or those I love and it’s something I can do something about, I don’t want to know what the Republi-parasites in Washington are up to. It triggers too much mental distress and unnecessary struggle.
Is this selfish? Shouldn’t I be fighting and resisting this new set of -isms because they don’t have any benefit, even in moderation?
No, and here’s why.
I had RSV at the start of the month, and I’ve been coughing since with an asthma flare. I’m exhausted. I suspect I’m not getting the oxygen I need, and also coughing all the time is physically draining. I finally gave in and got on oral steroids, so hopefully this will resolve soon.
What is the lesson in this illness? That I need to do better with speaking up for my needs, and I need to be more intentional with how I spend my energy. I’ve had to pare back to only doing what’s necessary for my businesses, which has been tough.
All that to say that I don’t have the time, bandwidth, or stamina for unnecessary struggle. And regardless of your physical or mental health situation, you probably don’t, either. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any good.
You don’t have to be ill to protect your well-being. You’re worthy of doing that because you’re a worthy being.
So let’s stop feeding the monster and instead support each other.
What boundaries are you setting to protect your energy and spirit? And what are you turning your energy toward instead? For me, it’s recovery.
Great post! In America, being 'informed' is akin to a virtue, you need to be informed of news in order to be sufficiently democratic. This virtue has shown itself to be bankrupt, especially with the nightmare turn of news media coupled with the clown circus that is American Politics. I've culled all my feeds of political discourse, I can do nothing about it, and exposing myself to it does nothing but push to despair. Gotta protect ourselves now more than ever, can't do anything if you're a burned out husk.
I have never watched “the news.” I occasionally watch clips of the Daily Show. I read Lyz Lenz and occasionally Jessica Yellin. Otherwise, I just can’t stand hearing people say the same things over and over and OVER. NOBODY needs a 24 hour news cycle. NOBODY. I can’t even stand podcasts - people talking “at” me is very overwhelming. Music, on the other hand, is where I feel loved and held and safe. But sometimes, I just need silence. Utter silence. I hear the Universe so much better in silence.